Friday, November 2, 2012

Because we just can't have nice things...

Now that we have three little blessings destroying our home and sleep we have had to upgrade(downgrade???) to a minivan.  Our new symbol of domestic bliss was blessed with being detailed on Monday.  My in-laws gifted us a full package detailing - as in every inch of that soon to be gold fish cracker and apple juice infested palace was washed and shined.  It was still a 10+ year old van but at least it was sparkly and clean.  As an added bonus I didn't have to pay - woot!

Being the epic super mom that I am, I volunteered to go on a field trip to the Apple Barn with a few bazillion kids.  WHY DO I DO THIS??? So I left early to drop the new babe off at Grandma's house, then drove myself on over to the farm!  I should mention it was POURING rain, as in - get some wood and start building an ark.  I pull in and immediately start to feel a little trepidation.  The parking lot is packed and muddy.  I am used to driving a civic not a tank - how am I going to squeeze my mom-mobile into a parking spot?  I end up smack dab in the middle of the lot doing the forward, backward dance to turn around.  Hello embarrassment - "No mom with the cute SUV I can't park worth a darn - move along!" I holler at another mother from school.  I am always gracious when under pressure.  

I spot a parking spot and am waved over to it by a drenched employee in a red sweatshirt.  I can't get in quite straight so I dare to try and reverse.  Nothing good happens!  As in I don't go backwards - I go sideways down the incline towards the little red car next to me.  "$^%((#&$#$)" is uttered under my breath and I am really glad none of the kids are in the van.  

Calming breaths.  It will be okay.  Calming breaths.  I will just go find J's class and learn about apples.  Hopefully the parking lot will be empty by the time we're done and I can slide all the way out of the lot. I pull on my gumboots and text the hubby to tell him "I think the van is stuck in the muddy parking lot!"Hubby is in bed with an epic man cold so due to being drugged up he takes the news well.

We see bunnies and learn about apples.  We get our pants wet sitting on hay bales as we ride out to pick pumpkins.  Finally it is lunch time for the students.  I decide to check on my van. Not a car anywhere near it - I do a little air guitar to celebrate.  (Party on Wayne, Party on Garth)

It hits me - I am in crazy muddy boots - the floor mats aren't even back in the van yet as they were still drying - I am going to get mud on and in the van - shiitake mushrooms!  The ground is too muddy and wet to wear my other shoes - I will have to get the van a bit dirty.  I then see that my wheels look like they have sunk a little bit into the mud - more mushrooms!!!!  I decide I am seeing things and I will just get in and move the van.  Muddy boots and all!

I try going backwards - no dice.  No slide sideways, no movement other than mud flinging up off the tires.  I decide I'll take out the parking barrier(tape and little post) by going forward.  Nope.  No forward motion either.  I try to rock the van forward and back - hoping I am not spinning the tires.  Nothing works.  I am stuck in the mud - IN A MINIVAN!  Say it with me - EJ, you are screwed! Mud is all over the wheels, wheel wells, and even up on the doors.  I am sooo screwed.  This is why the other mom's drive SUV's with big tires.

I climb out of the van, take a few calming breaths and then realize - I am on a farm.  Farms have men and tractors.  Between those two things somebody will get my van unstuck.  I march over to the little store - announce my van is stuck and I will need help.  I even smile - always start out nice!!  The girl looks at me and replies - "Oh...that is a blue job"

Darn right it's a blue job - "I need a man - I'll even let him drive the van if needed"  I thought I'd throw in that perk in case there was a man that needed a little thrill.  A fellow mom gasped at my predicament as I waited for a man.  I calmly explained - "No worries, it's a blue job.  They are finding me a man to fix the problem."

So much being all women's lib!  When my van is stuck in the mud I want a man to come get it out.  What can I say?  Sometimes there are blue jobs and pink and sometimes you take your clean van and get it stuck in a mud pit.  That is why we just can't have nice things!

1 comment:

  1. My SUV is 10+ years old (1999), and while I would LOVE a brand new Ford Flex to replace it, you have made me grateful for what I have ;) I've actually been toying with swapping for an MV to save on gas a bit... maybe not now!