Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Setting the Bar

Before entering the sweet abyss of motherhood I had standards.  Certain things, that I never realized would change, have gone into uncharted territory.

Like using the toilet.  Pre-kid (aka PK) going to the bathroom occurred like this :
  • walk into bathroom
  • turn on light
  • close door
  • proceed to use clean toilet
  • wash hands
  • turn off lights and open the door
The.End.

 Now Post-kid (Po-K):
  • Sense urge to use the loo while chasing new puppy down the hall, as said new puppy has grabbed my new and super cute ballet flats.
Super cute ballet flats!!

  • Break apart fighting children.
  • Chase shoe stealing puppy again - this time with my pink flip flop
  • Decide I may pee my pants if I don't get to the bathroom.  Start undoing my pants as I run/walk to the loo.  Peeing my pants is becoming a close reality.
  • Walk into bathroom.  No need to turn on the light as 6 year old left it on.  Leave door open so I can hear if children start fighting again, and so new puppy doesn't scratch the new trim or door.
  • Notice toilet is full of a #2 but no toilet paper.  Gag. Flush
  • Sit down - which is the silent command for Dude to push Missy, and Missy to retaliate with a fist to the side of Dude's head.  
  • Dog goes running by with the other ballet flat in her mouth
  • Suddenly overtaken by the strong odour of pee.  Lean over and see puddle on base and behind toilet left by obviously aim deficient Dude
  • Yell at dog running by again, this time with Missy's knock off pink Ugg
If I could make this face - I would!
  • Pull up pants, flush, walk out of bathroom while doing up my belt.  Find Missy and instruct her to go wipe her bottom, flush, and wash her hands
  • Find Boy and tell him that peeing on the toilet, wall and floor is disgusting.  Make mental note to have hubby give aiming lessons to Dude. 
  • Give Dude lysol wipe and point to areas to be cleaned.  Have Dude wash hands.
  • Take another wipe and clean around the toilet just in case the 6 year old didn't do thorough job.
  • Wash my own hands finally.
  • Turn out light as I leave bathroom.
  • Track down shoe stealing dog and reclaim faux Ugg, ballet flat, and flip flop.
 Let's not even discuss making breakfast!

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