Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My mama told me...

...there would be days like this!

Days where my children drive me bonkers, like I'd bungee jump off a bridge just to have 5 minutes where the only one screaming is me, bonkers!!

And then today happened - dun dun duhhh (sing it like Pablo)

Up first on drive me over the edge day - computer trouble.  Poor Mac - he's getting old :(

After that I sent the kids off to play in the backyard while I whipped up a tasty and nutritious lunch(that was sarcasm if you missed it).  Since the kids were outside they felt it was their duty to warn other people in the neighborhood that wild animals were approaching.  Animals such as snails, slugs, or the very deadly butterfly.  If you are my neighbor - I am sorry for the false alarm, and can you please throw the golf ball, and dog squeaky toy back over the fence if you get a minute?

Next up we had your basic lunch of complaints - in no particular order.  "The crust on my grilled cheese is too brown!" "That's YUCKY!" "I don't like this." "I'd rather not eat"  After this overwhelming show of love for my cooking I ate my now cold soup and choked down a stale rice cake.  Yes I am quite the foodie!

After clean up I went to to check on the angelic children(that I birthed drug free) only to discover that Little Miss has taken a whole lot of water from the bathroom into her room to use in the play kitchen aka The Great Flood of July 2011.  Cue weeping and hysterics as I clean it up and remove the kitchen and soggy toys from her room. Then I realize the windows are open and my neighbors are probably calling social services due to the screaming child.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

As I pass the office I give my work-from-home hubby the stink eye for failing to notice the running water mere inches from him, wipe tears, and then load up the kids into the car and go to the library.

The library went fairly well, other than the Little Miss trying to climb onto the check out counter and refusing to pick a book.  Next we went to the park to look at the drug deals ducks and marvel at the storm clouds - RUN FOR THE CAR!!!!!!!

Got back to the car, drove home, broke up a few brother/sister fights, ran the dog around the back yard once the down pour stopped. T-H-R-I-L-L-I-N-G stuff I tell ya!

Up next dinner prep!!!  Another culinary masterpiece I assure you.

Hearing screaming of biblical proportions I slam dinner in the oven and race upstairs.  I discover that the Little Dude has taken some toys into the loo and put them in the sink then ran the water.  Who knew they would go down the drain??????  I grit my teeth, then I freak out calmly tell Little Dude that playing in the bathroom, especially with small toys is not a good idea.  Dude FREAKS out when I cannot retrieve toys.

Hubby is on the phone for business so I usher children into their bedrooms - Dude continues tantrum.  I debate calling it a day and putting everyone to bed.

I begin to unravel at this point.  After 10 calming breaths I attempt to discuss with the Little Dude - no dice!  Scream-a-thon continues.  I, like any good mother, go downstairs to finish dinner. 

Dinner brings the usually refusal of the Little Miss to eat anything not covered in sugar or Ranch Dip.  Little Dude won't eat without ketchup(gah!)  I am eyeing the liquor cabinet.  Hubby is blissfully unaware of my inner melt down.

I refuse to do dinner clean up and sit on couch in a daze.  Kids go outside to fight over whatever they can think of including, but not limited to, how to pester the dog.  I rescue the dog.  Dog repays me for my kindness by slinking away and pooping in 2 spots in the living room - which I don't find till I go to get something and am hit by the strong odor of Doggie Poo Poo.

I burst into tears as hubby takes kids upstairs for baths.  I sit down again and have a 2 minute pity party.  Then I call my mother for sympathy.  None given as her 6 lb dog is barking to go for a walk.  I snark at my mother and hang up.  Phone dies before I can call sister to complain about day or the fact that a dog that weighs less than my purse out ranks me.

Get rags, bags, and cleaner and deal with the poo.  Cry as I am blotting the carpet - thankfully the snot in my head from the tears blocks the scent of poo - I'm a half full kinda gal!

Put rags in wash, cleaner away and then notice another turdlette(my word for the mini log that dogs like to squeeze off 1-2 feet away from the main event) that I have managed to step on and grind into the carpet.  Tears and snot now flow as does the very very bad words mumbled under my breath with ferocity - a girl can only take so much $hit before she becomes completely unglued!

Hubby comes down the stairs and notes that, "Whoa, it stinks in here!"  Thanks for the newsflash skipper!  Little dude comes down grinning - "Daddy is a super hero!"  I refrain from asking what his super power is - perhaps he has a hyper sense of smell????  Instead I ask why?  One word sentences are all I can muster.

"He got my toy out of the drain!"

So there was today - I cooked, entertained, and cleaned.  Hubs rescued a toy from the drain.  He's also a super hero! Me - I'm eating chocolate.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, now I don`t feel so alone! Thank you for that picture, you painted it so well, I was in tears. I could feel your pain.