Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Oh Christmas Tree

The smell, the sight, the pure gloriousness of a fresh Christmas tree sitting in my living room.

Bliss!

Until my peace and tranquility was trashed, wrecked, and destroyed by...a buzz.

There should be a warning on fresh trees - 'may be home to critters' of the eight legged and wing variety!  Spiders have been coming home from the farm with us for years.  This year we brought home a little something extra!

While studying I heard a buzz.  The kind of buzz that comes from a bug with wings.  I.HATE.BUGS!  My family can attest to my voilent shrieks, and arm flailing spectacles I perform all summer long to their embarrassment.

Winter although cold, wet, and dark has a few bonuses like no bugs - and less leg shaving!!

I could hear that little bugger darting from tree to window yet I maintained my composure and kept studying.  Then I sat down to email and the little $*#!%*@&% had the nerve to try and kiss my neck.  That does not fly with me - no pun intended.  I let out a shriek, and flapped my arms like bird - it wasn't pretty.

Hubs came to check on me - please note he sauntered in no particular hurry to my screams of distress.  Then proceeded to point out that it probably had long antena and could even be in my hair.

My response to him was direct and not very polite - nor was it safe for young or blog ears.

He decided to sit on the couch as I worked on this blog post, rolling his eyes at me.  In all fairness after the antena thing I was checking my pant legs, hair and bra for any friends that may have dropped in for a visit.  I thought the bug was black - at least that was what I gathered during my chicken flap dance - and most things in my living room are black - hello camouflage!  I move on from my bra check to the lamp, chair and computer - all things near me - phew all clear.

I begin to blog again and banter back and forth with hubs about this bug.  That little jerk(the bug not hubs) must have known we were talking about him because he suddenly flies out from the lamp and hovers in front of my face.

I freak, nearly tip over my chair in my hasty get away.  Hubs sits and watches.  I back up through the dinning room doorway - hubs calmly asks me where I think it went?

WHERE IT WENT?  HOW WOULD I KNOW!  KILL IT! KILL IT NOW!!!!

I creep back into the room and it flies up from the carpet - I am outta here.  I run to the kitchen and close the glass door so I can see hub flailing his arms like a circus freak trying to kill it.

It dies from a slipper attack and before being licked by the dog I snapped a picture!  Ewww - followed by a full body shiver!
This 'thing' had the nerve to come over for Christmas uninvited!  Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Nut Case!

Ever hurt yourself or been hurt in a minor way and for some reason you lose it?  Blubber like an idiot, cried like the world is ending, yelled at your kids, husband or friend?

I am sure you are all rational human beings with all your faculties and so you've never done that.

Me?

I am a crazy woman that burst into tears upon getting a slight injury and proceeded to blubber like a baby and have snot and tears all over me!  My child who accidentally inflicted the wound was beside himself for hurting mommy.  I was a hot mess of tears.  Hubby was annoyed at his (stressed out because she procrastinated on getting her school work done) wife, and Missy is pointing out to her brother that he made mommy cry.

I am blaming school stress for my mommy meltdown - only 4 units and nine chapters left to do...in the next 7 days.  The song Under Pressure is going through my head!



And if the dog doesn't stop whining because hubs is out I am going to lose my ever loving mind!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Day 30 - In a box by the mantle with care

I was going to start decorating early this year.

I was going to have the lights up, the mantle done, the gifts half wrapped.

Instead I am behind in school work, have a messy house and christmas decorations waiting to get put out!

Thankfully this is the last day I have to blog for NaBloPoMo - can I get a woot woot!

Thanks for reading the last 30 posts - I've had over 1000 hits this month - which over here in teeny tiny blogland is amazing!  Which means someone besides my mom is reading - you can't see it but I am blushing and looking sheepish!  Thank you.

I can't wait to blog about something other than Christmas - such as Missy announcing she was dancing like Jesus, or describing what it is like to go on a weekend road trip with your parents...when you are in your 30's!  We're filming our family video tomorrow - think Griswold and lights! It is going to be fun!!  Although Matt wants me to jump off the roof - I'm taking that as a personal insult ;)

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Day 29 - Girl Shop-off

Some people are born to shop.

I am one of those blessed individual.  With a sturdy pair of shoes, an endless bank account and an SUV to hold my finds I could shop all day everyday.  If only someone would hire me to shop for them!! (Seriously - know anyone?  I also am an amazing online shopper - I can find most anything!)

For Christmas Marcy & my long suffering, loathes of all things retail, mother and I set out on a one day excursion.  The point is to buy gifts for other people.  Usually we each come out with lots of things for ourselves and not much else.  Every year we say we're going to buy for others.  Every year we fail.  Why mess up a good thing?!?!

In years past we have gone into Guilford, where we bought out the MAC store.  We have gone to Fort Langley, and tried on many hats - the staff didn't quite know what to do with us.  As I've mentioned - we're a loud fam!  Accents and celebrity impersonations came out.  A few, maybe more than a few inappropriate things were hurled back and forth.  It was a jolly good time!

This year we are going to mow our way through a craft fair or two and we are bringing a new addition.  Missy is going to join in on her first ever Nut Family Girl Christmas Shopping Day.  The girl loves jewelry and lipstick so she should take to it like a fish to water.

I am pretty sure that if she could figure out how to get to the mall she'd be there everyday.  Makes me proud, sniff - wipes away a tear!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Day 28 - Getting the Tree...with my dad

Getting the tree was always a family affair when I was growing up.  We'd load up the car, bring our own saw, mom would make us wear seasonally appropriate clothing and head up the hill.

During the drive my sister and I would no doubt be doing our best to bicker from the back seat - it's not really sisterly love till fists fly in the car.  My mother would then in her quiet teacher voice threaten us with no tree if we didn't knock it off.  When my mom used her teacher voice, our blood instantly clotted and we were frozen.

Dad would usually yell at someone who he deemed unable to drive.  Marcy and I would then turn our fighting spirit on my dad and tell him he was an idiot and to stop it.  Dad would lose his cool and yell at us - rendering us all quiet for 10 seconds before he got all 3 women in his life yelling at him for yelling at us.  We're a loud family - I am not sure if we've ever had a conversation at low volume.

We'd arrive at the Christmas tree lot/farm.  I would be ready to die from embarrassment because my mom made me wear a toque(they weren't cool - and they wrecked my teased up spiral permed hair).  Usually cute boys from my school were working the lot - talk about embarrassing!

Since we lived near the mountains there were tree farms everywhere.  If you are a sissy you can take one of the ones that has been cut down and dragged down to the warming hut.  You can make nice with the tree farmer and drink hot chocolate.  But we aren't a sissy family.

We would be dragged whining and complaining hike up the steep terrain, and be forced to spread out to find the best tree.  Then the hunt began - and there were rules.  And we are talking RULES people!!  It couldn't be overly groomed, it usually was a Douglas fir, it could not have any bald/empty spots, and don't even suggest a tree with a crooked trunk!

Everybody would pick their contender for the FAMILY tree.  Let the smack talk and insults fly!  We'd nit pick each other's trees and yell insults - I am sure the people below could hear us from the warmth of the warming hut and wondered what kind of nut case family was on the hill.  Yelling and laughing at the same time - that's how we roll.

My mother would be trying to get us all to behave and I'd start talking about farts just to annoy her.  Marcy would hide behind a tree and make fart noises and my dad would be grading the contenders.  We'd narrow the submissions and begin the smack talk about round 2.

After much yelling and creative insults we'd have a winner.  Which is about the time my dad would realize that he forgot the saw back in the car.  And no we most certainly could not use the ones at the tree farm.  So Dad would go back to the car and the three girls would guard our tree.  From what I don't know.  No one in their right mind would climb that far into the trees and all our yelling would drive away anyone wanting our perfect tree.

Dad would return with the saw.  Mom would always hold the trunk while Marcy and I complained about how cold we were and could we please stop for treats on the way home.  Dad would be barking orders not to let the tree land in any mud when it came down.

We'd then muscle the tree down the hill to the measuring station where we'd find out the price of our green needled beauty.  After paying and tying that baby to the car we'd be on the drive home.  Dad and mom would complain about the price of trees going up every year.  Marcy and I would beg to put the tree up that afternoon - even if it meant all the bugs and spiders in the branches would roam the house.

Upon our return home, hot chocolate and coffee would be dished out - I have a feeling my mother added a liberal dash of Bailey's to hers - she's one smart cookie!

Now I take my own kids to a tree farm that thankfully is flat and easy to walk around in.  We cut down our own tree, hubs does insist on his own saw(Men!!!) and I have begun to teach my children the art of smack talk around the Christmas tree.

Yes, we're that nutty family your mother warned you about!  Sunday we're getting the tree - it will be full, not overly trimmed, free of bald spots, cut with our own saw but not Douglas fir - we rock the Fraser fir!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Day 27 - The Grinch

American Thanksgiving with it's crazy sales and people having fist fights over $2 waffle makers is over.

It's time for CHRISTMAS!

Unless you have been living in a land with no TV you have undoubtedly heard of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.  Every year whether you enjoy the animated version, with it's Seuss style pictures, or the Jim Carrey version the message is the same.

Christmas comes every year, it comes without packages, boxes or bags.  Christmas means more than just presents and more than the traditions that we rally behind.

I love a nice pretty package under the tree as much as the next gal, but could I enjoy Christmas if it was wiped of all it's trimmings?  If I had no tree to decorate and no stockings to hang.  If I was without gifts and roast beast would I still be able to celebrate Christmas?

Regardless of whether you get down with the whole Jesus born in a manger part, Christmas should mean more than gimme gimme presents.

In the words of Dr Seuss:

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.  Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Day 26 - White Christmas

Beside my love for the Griswold family I have a few other Christmas movies that rank right up there.

White Christmas with Bing, Danny, Rosemary and Vera - I always wanted to dance like Vera Ellen.
My sister and I fell in love with this movie sometime in our early teens - we even did a dance duet to the song Sisters - and it holds true -  Lord help the mister that comes between me and my sister!


Miracle of 34th Street - the old version is great but I also love the 90's version with it's magnificent shoulder pads and the oh so dreamy Dylan McDermott!


My kids favourite is Elmo's Christmas Countdown.  It isn't too bad but the Jamie Fox part makes my ear bleed.  I hate that part.  It is in heavy rotation already!


What's your favourite Christmas movie?

Friday, November 25, 2011

Day 25 - Naughty or Nice List

Missy is in a phase - dear Santa please let it be a phase.  She is one snarky kid right now.  Today she was very disrespectful to Mama EJ and Mama EJ doesn't not roll like that.  Suffice to say she went to a time out.  The first of several today.  Later, she had to sit by herself on a chair at school after not listening to her teachers.  She then was rude to my friend.  The list goes on and on. 

Then a friend pointed out I was not using Santa to my advantage.  Say what???  I have not been holding the naughty list over my kids!  How could I have forgotten that??

As a family we try and not make Santa too big of deal.  We're more of a baby Jesus family but we also set out milk and cookies for the fat mom guy in the red suit.  I really hate the lying to kids about Santa.  So I let other people lie to my kids ;) Teachers and grandparents do a great job of teaching all about Santa.   

The Naughty and Nice List has never been a big fear factor as I have never used it to it's full potential.  Where have I been???  It's like someone gave me a million bucks with no taxes!  

I raise my glass of egg nog in a toast - To well behaved children or at least scared into submission kiddos till December 25th!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Day 24 - Christmas Slippers

I hate cold feet.

My hubby hates when I have cold feet.

His legs are so nice and warm - just perfect for my ice cold toes to warm up on.

He does not not share my opinion.

In an effort to save our marriage I have acquired a large collection of slippers over my lifetime almost all as Christmas gifts.  None of them sexy.  I am currently rocking these in brown.  Cute in the photo but mine aren't so cute anymore.  I kill slippers.  My mother had one pair in the same time I had 4.  Seriously!

For 11 months I have worn these slippers so the fleece lining is rubbed bare in places and the rubber sole is smooth.  I wasn't worried about any of that.  What is concerning is in the last month a decidedly foul aroma has begun emitting from the slippers.

I don't usually stink up shoes.  The odd ballet flat worn for 8 hours in the summer with bare feet might get a little on the rank side but I have never suffered from gag inducing foot stink in any shoes or slippers.  I leave the stinking to hubs and Dude - boys stink - it's a known fact.

The slippers don't stink on their own...too badly.  If they are sitting by the door you aren't knocked over from the smell.  From a distance you won't be offended.  But - or should I say BUT do.not.ever shove your nose all up close and personal in them.  After coming to you'd probably have damaged nasal cavities and a killer headache.  The other thing you do not want me to do is wear them for a bit and then break the seal between the bottom of my foot and the slipper.  It is a weapon of mass destruction.  It will knock you flat.

Last night hubs tried to blame me for his sudden gag fest on the couch - turned out it was a SBD/SBV* from the dog.  You know you are in a category all your own when a dog fart delivers the same side effects.

I am going to continue to blame the dog from now on.  After all, I am a girl - we don't stink.  We are all dainty and pretty.  We do not fart, we do not burp, and we certainly don't have stinky shoes.

*Silent But Deadly/Silent But Violent

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Day 23 - Teacher gifts!

As the child of a teacher I have seen my fair share of good, bad and 'are you kidding me' presents.  My sister and I would always love to go through the box that came home on the last day of school and eat the drug store chocolates and candies.  Usually while grading family brag letters ;)

I have come up with a few helpful tips on buying for teachers:

First off - gifts are not necessary.  If you don't have lots of money you do not need to buy something.  Make a nice card and tell your child's teacher how much you appreciate them.  A drawing or a things I like about Mrs. So-n-so list (written by your child) is a free and meaningful gift that won't get put in the trash at 2:26pm on the last day of school.  If you only have a little to spend buy something small.   Purdy's has boxes that hold 4 chocolates or a bag of M&M's - both are inexpensive.

Second - please skip the 'world best teacher' junk.  If the teacher is new to teaching they might be able to use that hideous apple mug to slurp coffee at recess but, you can bet you bottom dollar it will never leave the school.  Perhaps your child really does have the best teacher in the entire world but tell her that - don't bedazzle her classroom with apple mugs and tins.

Third - give something that is consumable.  Knick-knacks and doodads will end up on the Value Village shelf.  Homemade baking, good chocolates, pretty hand made cards, bath & body products(please not stinky junk).  Go back to my favourites list from yesterday - lots of great things.

Four - give a gift to the classroom.  Books and other supplies are like gold to teachers - or at least the teachers I know.  Ask your child's teacher is there is something that you can get for the room.  Perhaps she/he needs books or a new set of blocks.  This enhances your child's education experience and can help other kids too.

Five - gift cards.  For people that don't feel these are personal enough it may not float your boat.  I love getting gift cards.  I am a mom with limited funds - being given money to spend on myself is amazing.  Starbucks, Tim Hortons, Coles/Indigo Books are all great options.  I especially like the bookstores gift cards as the teacher can buy a book for themselves or for their classroom.

Six - make a donation to charity - there are lots of options through World Vision or local Salvation Army etc.

No matter what - telling a teacher you appreciate all their hard work managing 22+ children in one room while teaching them to read - that's impressive!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Day 22 - On line shopping!

I love on-line shopping!

No parking lot, no impulse buys, no cranky overworked sales people.

Just click and wait for it to arrive.

Here are my tips for holiday shopping from your lap top.

1.  Shop early and shop when there are deals.

Lots of sites offer holiday incentives like a percentage off or free shipping for the holidays.  I got my holiday cards for 40% off + free shipping because I ordered before November 16th - it saved me over $70!

2.  Check local business sites or etsy for crafters and artisans.

There are lots of amazing products out there that are one of a kind and also help support small business.

3.  Google discount codes

You'd be amazed at how many codes you can find out there that will score you free shipping or 10% off.  Boo-ya!

4.  Check out your shipping options.

I am lucky enough to live close to the Canadian/American border.  I take advantage of this by checking if I can get free shipping to a store or to a US address.  Most stores now have separate billing and shipping addresses.  I saved $30 by shipping to a US address, and when I picked it up I only paid $2.50 to the parcel shop.

A few of my favourite things?

L.L. Bean - free shipping  no minimum purchase - sign - they make a mean pleated high waisted pant but if you can get past that they have some other great things such as outer wear.
Garnish - my new favourite place!!  Food grade packaging for those inexpensive homemade teacher gifts.  Gotta get your Super Mom points anywhere you can!
Shutterfly - I am in love with the easy photo books!
Ebay - land of the hard to find!  Watch the shipping costs though and if you are bidding know the items value so you don't get into a bidding war where you over pay.
Amazon - .com not .ca - you need a US address for this but they have some great deals.  Black Friday and Cyber Monday are great days to hang out here!
Toysrus - Free shipping when you spend $100 so if you can do all the toy shopping you need to in one shot DO IT!
Lee Valley Tools - Cool kitchen gadgets, impossible to buy for males gifts, and if it is the same as other years no shipping costs on gift cards.  Stuff those dad and father in law stockings STAT!
Juliet's Room - Canadian made organic face & bath goodies
Tuscan Farm Gardens - Locally made lavender bath products,
Outside In Cosmetics - Locally made cosmetics that are made without all that junk!
      **Outside In let me know they are currently offering - Spend $25 and get a free lipgloss - I'm partial to the Vancouver shade.  

Hmmm I may shop too much!!!  Nahhh no such thing ;)

PS The fire log channel is back - hideous yet classic!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Day 21 - Unplugging for Christmas

Do you live attached to a device - something that has 3G or wifi?

Can you make it a whole hour without checking your phone - let alone a whole day?

In our house we are a tad too connected.
I have to separate from my phone?  Is that even legal???
Hubs is self employed - and that means clients call and email him at all different times of day and night.  Holiday or weekend does not matter - ding ding ding goes his #*&)*#&! phone.  In all fairness I am just as bad sometimes with this blog or the ever exciting facebook/twitter jazz.

Instead of playing teacher, nurse or fireman - my kids prop open books and announce they are working on their lap tops. "I can't come right now mom, I am working!"  Calculators are their iphones and they are 100% fluent in apple tv, netflix, and itunes.

Last year I laid down the smack WWE style - if you brought a device and started texting at my Christmas - I'd clothesline your @$$ so fast you didn't know what hit you.  Hubs snuck off to the loo to check his email I'm sure ;)

Talk?  What is this talking you speak of?
Consider this a warning - if you come hang out with me I will slap you upside the head if I hear dings and beeps around the tree.  If you must - feel free to tweet from the toilet where I won't bother you.  Otherwise - shut it down!  You are spending time with the people in front of you - not someone down the street or across town.  If you can't be with the people you love - set aside a time to contact them but don't spend the day texting under the tree.

Rant over!

PS. You can now find Nut Like Crazy on facebook!  Come over and 'like' me.  You can also click over on the side column to share this bloggy blog on your facebook or twitter.  Shameless self promotion over.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Day 20 - Home for Christmas

Back when dinosaurs ruled the earth, also known as my childhood, we lived 45 minutes away from my grandparents.  On Christmas day we would open presents, have breakfast, and then after a bit more play time load up the car and drive.

We were usually allowed to take one toy with us - which was hard as we had several that were awesome - and some didn't transport well.  Then we'd spend the evening in a stuffy apartment bored and wishing we were home.

Once I found Mr Handsome I had a whole new issue - In Laws.  I married into a family that already had 2 sister in laws.  So we juggled 3 different family schedules plus mine.  Fun!

After we started procreating and making little nut-cases it all went to the North Pole in a sleigh.  We were loading up so much gear to sleep at my parents, then trucking all over town with crying babies that I about lost my Christmas loving mind.

Finally 4 years ago I lost my schmidt!  I had an argument with both my family and the in-laws.  No one was happy and I was stressed to the max.  No amount of eggnog was going to calm me down.

So I gave myself permission to be selfish and put my family as in Mr Handsome, Dude, & Missy first!  I announced that starting the following year I was assigning everyone a day - of my choice - if that didn't work we were okay with missing the gathering.  I gave my parents Christmas Eve and the in-laws Boxing Day.  Christmas day we would be staying home - the door would be open to anyone that wanted to come over.  My parents and sister usually come.  This year my aunt and uncle and a cousin are stopping by too.  I make a fab brunch - wanna come?  We're a open family - if we love you you're in :)

So now we stay home and open presents with our kids.  Then my sister and parents come out for brunch and a second gift time for the kids.  Finally hubs and I tuck the kids into bed and enjoy hot chocolate and Bailey's under the tree.

My kids are only going to young for so long - I want to make our own Christmas memories and traditions instead of dragging them all over town in misery.  I give you permission to do the same! Be selfish!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Day 19 - Getting Country

For approximately 330 days out of the year I love all things modern, sleek and clean lined.  I devour Dwell magazine and dream of living off the grid in a minimalist house.  If you have seen When Harry Met Sally - you know the part with the Wagon Wheel coffee table??   I married a country boy - luckily my man has better taste than that, but he loves rustic, and in the name of marital harmony we compromise on design.


So we march through the year with a decidedly modern flavour and then end up in December.  Something short circuits and I explode in a burst of cheesetastic country love.  In a house where I never would have dreamed of knick-knacks, I suddenly have a mantle covered in cute(barf!) snowmen.  I hang Santa wreaths on the door and set out Christmas hand towels in the loo.


                                                                        Source: google.com via Nester on Pinterest

How does this happen?  Something about Christmas being sleek and modern makes me cringe.  I want red, white and green.  I want cute doodads here and there.  I even love my snowman dishes.

It is utterly barftastic.

I grew up with a family that decorated one thing - the tree.  Nothing else.  So how did I become the keeper of all things Christmas??  Will my kids one day have no tree and no decorations because they felt their mother was too Christmas-y?  Will they hate singing Jingle Bells?  Will they boycott the Nutcracker?  Am I being a tad neurotic??

WHERE IS THE EGG NOG???

Friday, November 18, 2011

Day 18 - The Outfit!

You know what I am talking about - the outfit that you wear to all those holiday parties.

It needs to make you look smokin hot!  It needs to expand in case you overindulge.  It needs to work for the office party and for dinner at your mom's.  Perhaps you have a unending bank account and can have multiple outfits - me - I am in the po category as in I'm so poor I can only afford the p and o.

I am all about reusing and adding just a bit of fancy frou frou as my mother would say.  So this year I have been looking through the closet and thinking about what I am going to wear.

Black is my favourite non-colour for several reasons.  First you can throw any colour with it and it will look fab!  Second I have kids which means I can guarantee that they will wipe something on my clothes and coloured fabric shows marks easier.  Lastly bulges are easier to hide - so if I have eaten a few too many ginger snaps I can still party like Wayne & Garth(Children of the 90's will get that!).  So I have some great Gap black pants and a black and white top from Ricki's that I bought last year so no pics available.

I did get the shoes, and for $13 when we were on vacation but disaster happened.  My dog, now named chewy, helped me unpack.  And by that I mean she snuck around me as I was unpacking and chewed the heal on both shoes.  

So I will be rocking chewed heals with black sharpie touch ups.  What can I say????  I am hot stuff.

What are you wearing?  **Say that in the same voice as the credit card commercial "What's in your wallet?"

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Day 17 - Twas the night before

We have several family traditions on Christmas Eve - one of them being the reading of The Night Before Christmas.  Everyone has a different version of this book.  I grew up with the one illustrated by Tasha Tudor.  Sadly I can't find my exact version online but I found another version she did - click here to see.

This is our book!
When I was about 25 I found a copy of it exactly like the one I had grown up with.  I had no kids at the time but knew I needed to have a copy.  So I shelled out the big bucks for a hard cover book that now is read by Mr. Handsome to out sweet angels on Christmas Eve.  Every time we read our copy we write down in the front - the year, who read it, who listened, and anything special - such as Missy pointing out 'tee-ta' aka Santa. I forgot Missy did that - sigh - my babies are growing.


As a child, I would stare at this page for hours - I still want that doll house!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Day 16 - All I want for Christmas is to get skinny!

The problem with Christmas is it is a season of excess.

Too much sugar, too much chocolate, too much alcohol!

None of these things make my waist line look any better.  

So I am trying to be well behaved before Christmas so I don't look like an over stuffed turkey come January 1st.

I.HATE.WORKING.OUT!  Like seriously hate.it.  I could totally forgo that endorphin rush for a bag of chips any day! If you enjoy running, or torturing your self on the elliptical I think you are freakin nuts!  

I made it through tonight by listening to LMFAO's song Sexy and I know it.  The video contains scenes of men in speedos - very funny if you are a sick person like me!  Can I just say - I work out!


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Day 15 - The Cards

Those family brag letters aren't going to arrive naked and vulnerable - oh no - they need a little glam to wear.  It is time to buy, make, or order those holiday cards.

I am all about Shutterfly this year - tomorrow I will be placing my order(the last day for free shipping - can I get a woot woot!)

I have poured over many websites, set up numerous accounts, downloaded a few programs but my fickle heart belongs to Shutterfly this year.  If you are lucky enough(sarcasm alert) to be on 'the list' of people getting one from us - they are beautiful.  My internet(telus sucks) is giving me fits tonight so I can't add a demo on this site - blast you computer trouble.

So imagine pictures of my kids - hair perfectly styled, clothes neatly pressed, standing beside one another - the little Dude with his hand over Missy's mouth - yes I am putting a picture like that on our card.  No point in pretending they weren't beating on each other for the whole photo shoot.  There is also a nice family picture - my muffin top is hidden and I only have one chin...so it doesn't look anything like reality!

My father-in-law and I discussed family cards, photos, and letters the other night.  He pointed out that he wants to see pictures of the people he knows - not their kids who he has never met.  Besides, how else can you see how fat so and so has gotten if the picture is of their kids???  He actually said that - which made me laugh and realize I have corrupted the whole in-law group!

Jingle jingle

Monday, November 14, 2011

Day 14 - Making a memory!

We happen to have a friend who is rather fan-freakin-tastic with a video camera - check him out here.

For the last 2 years we've had him film us - and somehow he managed to edit an hour of footage into a few minutes - set to the music of our choice.

The first one - getting our Christmas tree.  Can I just say - ack - my babies were so little!  This was also our last Christmas in our last house.  My favourite part is hearing their voices - still sounding all little!  And the candy cane covered mouths :)


Enns Family Christmas Tree from Matthew Hawkins on Vimeo.

This second one was decorating the gingerbread house.  The little miss still has curls in her hair - I miss those :(  And the icing that came with the house was so stiff - I thought my hand would break!


The Enns Christmas 2010 from Matthew Hawkins on Vimeo.

This years video is yet to be determined - I want something Christmas-y but different from the previous years - got ideas?  Leave me a comment!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Day 13 - Getting Organized

I, super mom extraordinaire, am always organized.  I know exactly where all the Christmas decorations are, I have never lost a gift somewhere in the house, I have meals planned and outfits picked for all gatherings.  I know the address of all my friends to mail Christmas cards, and the cards are written and stamped - just waiting for delivery to the post office in 2 weeks.  What can I say - I am amazing!

I'll wait for you to stop laughing - as I am more disaster than organized.  Every Christmas I think I am going to get my act together.  I plan to have a freezer full of goodies and food.  I think I will have a card and picture ready for everybody.  I think I will stay on budget.  I plan to workout through the holidays so I don't have to join the others at the gym January 1st.





Annnnd every year I am 5lbs heavier by January 1st, have no cards done, can't remember where I put half the gifts - so I rush out and buy some stuff - killing the budget.  This year I will be writing a final exam in the first weeks if December and up until that point I need to be studying and doing assignments.  So I have no choice but to get my act together!

Enter Pinterest - can I just say that I love, love love this site?  So many good ideas and an easy way for me to store these ideas.  I found and pinned a link that has more FREE Christmas organizing printables that I could ever use.

Source: trendytree.com via EJ on Pinterest

 I ran out of coloured ink - and they don't print well in grey scale on my printer - so I didn't get them all printed.  I've got enough to get me started!  So who's with me??  Let's get organized!

Just waiting to get organized!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Day 12 - The Nativity Scene

Round these parts we're all about Jesus - and this Christmas my kids will be playing with baby Jesus.

I have a very nice, non-kid friendly nativity set - it's by Willow Tree - so pretty!

But there is not a chance I'd let my kids play with this - and anything this small is bound to to find it's way into Barbie's house or become a new resident of Radiator Springs.

So this year I got a Playmobil version(remember my obsession??)


My kids can play with this, shove the legs of the sheep up their noses, and get up close and person with baby Jesus!

There is also a mini set


If you have an under 3 in the house Fisher-Price makes a nom-nom-able version.



Friday, November 11, 2011

Day 11 - Mr Bublé

Today we bundled up in gortex and boots to trek to the Costco to buy Michael Bublé's new Christmas album.  We braved rain, rain, and more rain.  I was determined to get it today - and by that I mean I was determined to stay nice, dry and warm in the car while my man ran into the store.

I am a Christmas music tramp.  Announce you have a Christmas album and I will buy it.

Bublé has put out an album filled with classics - some twisted.  Such as Santa Baby with the altered lyrics Santa, buddy, fill my stockings with Canucks tixs, for kicks throw me on the first line.  He also slows down Mariah 'baby and pacifiers' Carey's All I Want For Christmas which gives it a new flavour unlike that other Canadian singer that also just released a Christmas album.  Jingle Bells features the Puppini sisters - who aren't sisters - and it rocks.  Blue Christmas makes me want to find a stiff drink and a pair of blue suede shoes - bliss!  I could go on and on!

The only barftastic element is the super cheesy six second track of Michael wishing you a merry Christmas - gag!  Why Michael???  Why?

I really like this album - and the DVD that comes with it highlights that Bublé recorded this in studio with the actual band, orchestra and back up singers - Sinatra style.  So I give major props for that.  The album feels like Bing or Frank could be singing - so well done Team Bublé

You can check out the music on his website - please, for the love of tinsel, ignore the Naughty or Nice panties for sale!


Thursday, November 10, 2011

Day 10 - Get Outta Here

Every year we escape.  We run away to Christmas.  Some years we bribe guilt ask friends and family to join us, and some years we forget to invite them.  Depends on how much they are annoying us ;)

So where do we go?  To the Lights of Christmas at Warm Beach - which let the record show - IS NOT WARM!  Warm Beach is a conference center and camp in Stanwood Washington.  They string up over a million lights on their grounds and it is a-maz-ing!  It's like someone took a bedazzler to every tree, sidewalk, and building.

We usually stay over night - as our kids sometimes need a warm up spot.  The other reason - the thought of getting back in the car after driving 2+ hours there, walking around for 3ish hours, and then driving home another 2+ hours makes the eggnog curdle in my tummy.

The next day we hit up the outlets and finish off our Christmas shopping - oh and we attack Tar-jay like a fat kid on a smartie.  Make way people EJ is in the building - I really should have a person shopper with me saying things like, "No that sweater makes you look fat - walk away!  Yes, I know it's only $5 but you look like you are auditioning for the role of Mrs Clause. No!  NO!  You do not need a battery operated blinking light sweater - BACK AWAY FROM THE SWEATER."  If the husband said that I'd probably attack him with the battery pack from such a sweater.  So he hangs out in the audio visual departement - because apparently the tv needs another cord.

Quite the side trip there - Ho Ho Ho - and we're back!

So we go, we see lights, we eat kettle corn, and candied pecans - that are still warm - gah!  So good!

This is where I would add a bunch of pictures from last year but apparently I deleted them off my lap top and moved them over to the back up hard-drive - I am just too lazy to get off my butt to go get them.  Click on the link above - they take better pictures than me anyway ;)  or watch the clip below.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Day 9 - The family brag letter

When I was growing up my sister and I would anxiously await the mail every December.  Not for the money from Grandma & Grandpa, not for presents from the Aunties and Uncles, but for the hideous family brag letters that would accompany the mountains of Christmas cards we received.

It's not that Marcy and I loved to read about everyones thrilling previous year.  Oh no - we made fun of those people.  In typical sarcastic fashion we would line them up and give them awards like most barftastic, gag me with a fork perfection, and kill me now I can't take it.  That was back in our younger years - so we have honed our sarcasm skills with age.

But something has happened - now instead of the letters arriving at my parents - they are coming to my mail box.  And - GASP - I think people expect me to write one too!!!!  Some are actually entertaining - I have one friend that includes a page of funny things her kids said - love that.  From other letters I also get to hear about every badge little so-and-so earned in girl guides - kill me now!

So in order to not be thrown under the Christmas bus at my house (you're all scared to mail them to me now aren't you?) here are the rules to avoid the Ej & Marcy sarcasm awards - 1 page of info about the family - I do not need 6 pages of info including all about your colonoscopy!  Pictures are great - but I do not need 85 shots of you enjoying all the monuments of Europe.  1 picture or one page with a collection of shots - that's it!  No more.  Got it?  Good.

In case you have managed to not receive a Brag Letter or perhaps you need inspiration for this years version I have written a sample below complete with Jesus Juke.


Dear Friend or Family member not lucky enough to be us,

            2011 has been a wonderful year.  We are thinner, richer, and more stress free then ever before.  Mr. Perfect and I celebrated our bazillonth wedding anniversary.  We flew all our important friends and family to Hawaii and threw a big celebration on the beach.  We had a wonderful time renewing our vows and proving that we really are the perfect couple.
            Little Jonny continues to be the perfect son.  He gets straight A’s, and is currently being recruited by universities.  He’s only 7 but such a smart boy.  He has won every award and championship imaginable in hockey, baseball, and golf.  Such a blessing!
            Little Jane continues to perfect her golden curls and can speak both Spanish and French fluently thanks to the preschool for the gifted that we enrolled her in.  She never watches TV, as we believe that rots a child's brains, so she has lots of time to study art.  She is currently studying Monet.  It’s amazing what skilled parenting can do for children.
            Mr. Perfect got another promotion and we currently have so much money we don’t know what to do with it.  So we took the kids to Mexico to hand out school supplies, then we went back to our all inclusive and celebrated our giving spirit!
            I continue to be the perfect mother and wife.  I maintain a perfect size 6 body, always wear Lulu Lemon pants to school and volunteer in the classroom and school library.  I have forgotten to have my own identity but that is okay as my living room is decorated to perfection, kind of like me.
            We wish you a wonderful holiday and a joyous New Year.  We are surprising our kids with a Disney Cruise and will be unable to attend the family gatherings but would like to remind all our family and friends that  ‘Jesus is the Reason for the Season’.

Blessings,

The Perfects

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Day 8 - Clark W Griswold!

Do you know what I am talkin about????

If you don't - WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!?!?!

Clark Griswold is the patriarchal character from the best Christmas movie ev-ah!  No other movie even comes close to reminding me why we don't have big family Christmas events - and yet longing for one at the same time.  As long as it's the newel post at someone else's house that gets the chainsaw treatment - let's do this!

National Lampoons Christmas Vacation is.the.best.  Don't argue - it is the BEST!

My family - all a little on the nutty side - can recite almost the whole movie from start to finish.  I kid you not.

My mom's favorite scene - SQUIRREL


Then there is the part my sister and I always lose our schmidt over



And lastly my favourite part - complete with White Christmas reference - this was the best version I could find - sorry about the bad quality.



Do not delay - get a copy and watch.  It helps to wear a Christmas sweater and gather close your kith and kin!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Day 7 - Rest

This is not the lazy way to post!  Well maybe...just a little.  Hey I am a tired mom - with a sick kid - give me a break okay!

So grab that December calendar - see all those events that are piling up - shopping day with your BFF, church concert, cut the darn tree down with the kids, decorate the house, visit every family member you can find in a 100 mile radius! I know those are on there! How, the hockey stick, are we expected to turn out butter tarts with a grin on our faced the whole time!?!?

Grab a big ol' sharpie and find a day - write REST as in no baking, no concerts, no family dinners, no shopping - nothing!  Wear your pj's till 11, trade off with hubs for a nap time, order pizza for dinner.  Do whatever you want.  Play games, watch movies, go for a walk, lie on the couch and let dust land on you - chill my overly busy friends!

Rest!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Day 6 - Drugs

I had really good plans to write a long post about the hideous family brag letter - right down to a fill in the blank version for you to print out!  But instead I went to Costco to buy Michael Buble's new Christmas album so I could review that this week.  Then the CD wasn't there, I ate Timmies with my parents and my Little Dude woke up crying complaining of an earache.

So in typical mom fashion I check my ever ready stash of Tylenol and Advil & gack!  Drops left in each bottle!  Not good!  I, in a panic, start thrashing my way through the linen closet hoping that I was a super responsible mom and had bought another bottle.

Phew - I found a new bottle and dosed the boy up.

So all this is to say - check you medical supplies.  Get all the needed things - Tylenol & Advil(kid & adult versions),  throat lozenges, cough syrups, vicks vapo rub, pedialyte etc.  Then get a supply of ginger ale, crackers and chicken noodle soup.  There is nothing worse than having a sick family member on Christmas - when everything is closed and the ER line ups are l-o-n-g!

Little dude is resting comfortably in a drug induced haze, a little homeopathic ear drop and will be going to the doctor in the morning.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Day 5 - The hostess gift!

My mama always said a good guest brings the hostess a gift.  After all she has cleaned up her kids junk and hidden half her belongings in closets and the garage so her house is clean.  The least you can do is bring her a little something.

My top four gift ideas

  1. Anything by Purdy's - the 1lb Milk & Dark Assortment is always a good idea. 
  2. A little or big something from Winks  I love this store - and as an added bonus they will gift wrap it up for you all pretty!
  3. Something to treat your hostess such as a nice body butter from Juliet's Room (Canadian company now based in Ontario) or a Lavender Milk Bath from Tuscan Farm Gardens (Abbotsford Farm & Apothecary) which smells so good!  And after your family has attacked her house she may need a bath to recover.
  4. A small ornament - find something pretty and wrap it nicely.  It helps if you know their style.  Pinterest has tons of ideas - and lots on DIY ideas for those on a budget.
I am rather uninspired tonight as I went to a stamp and stack - which in non crafter terms is when you make a rather large pile of cards all at once.  So a good portion of my Christmas cards are made - and my brain is mush. 

Friday, November 4, 2011

Day 4 - Baking

One of the best things about Christmas is butter-tarts...oh, and gingersnaps.

Oh SNAP!  I love me some gingersnaps - lame joke - I know!  It's late and I forgot to blog today.  Sue me!

All that baking can kill your food budget sooooooo write a list of what you are making and the ingredients you need.  Then start hunting for sales because molasses is impossible to find in December - as is peppermint extract for those little mint cookies.  Last year I ran from store to store grilling poor shelf stockers demanding to know where the stink was the peppermint extract!

Our family isn't big on the Christmas baking but they'll eat it if I make it!  So this year I am making Gingersnaps, butter-tarts, shortbread, and Nanaimo bars.  Since we have some gluten free peeps we mess around with the Nanaimo bars so they are GF.  

I noticed that lots of baking supplies have started to go on sale so hop to it...then invite me over for tea to sample some :)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Day 3 - Book hair cuts!

Now is the time to call your stylist!  Do not delay - they are booking up and you do not want a skunk line in your Christmas photo.  What is a skunk line you ask???  Well if you are blessed with dark lovely locks a la Victoria Principle from the Jhirmack commercial days circa 1984, then as you go gray, the undyed part of your hair can grown in a whole lot lighter than the dyed part.  Voila you have a skunk line!

Not that I have gray hair.  I am a freak of nature that doesn't have a stitch of gray, I also am naturally hair free on my legs and I never fart.

In other related news my cousin K-doll is in da house!  We are making her wedding invites.  They are so very pretty!

K-doll wielding the heat gun!

Half done!  The invitations that is - not the left
over halloween candy in the background!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Day 2 - The Advent Calendar

It is hard to believe that in less than 30 days we'll be in full Jingle All the Way mode!

Around this house we don't decorate in the least till after Remembrance Day (November 11).  I think we should respect our troops and remember their sacrifices without the cheerful sounds of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer blaring around the mall.  Descending my soap box now...

Even though there will not be any decking the halls there are still ways to prep for the holidays.  Some even require getting to them early.

There are many options besides the lame and disgusting $2.00 chocolate calendars.  My kids have a refined pallet(haha) and hate the cheap chocolate - I blame the fact that I used to work at Purdy's. { Just so you don't think we're all posh - they also love KD ;) }

There is the Lindt Chocolate Calendar - I saw this at Costco for $19.99.  We did this last year.  The kids liked the chocolate...and I was willing to eat them when they forgot a day ;)


Next up for those that have an unlimited budget - Lego Advent Calendars.  These are $35-45 dollars and I haven't seen them in any local big box stores like Walmart etc.  High end toy shops may have them or they can be ordered from the Lego website.
**Update : Julia let me know that this is at Zellers - brace yourself here - $39.99 for Lego City and $49.99 for Star Wars Lego - somebody get me the smelling salts!  That is just crazy!**


Last up there is Playmobil.  I love Playmobil and if I could I would relive my childhood and create a secret den and hoard it all away...that totally sounded creepy didn't it???  Last year we had already purchased the Lindt ones when I found out about these ones.  So this year I was that insane mother - stalking the toy store on Facebook in early September asking when they would be arriving.  They came October 31st and you can bet your buttons I was there that afternoon with my always well behaved kids to pick them out  There are several to pick from - some new for 2011.  Ours cost $21.99 each so not super cheap but it is a toy that will last not a chocolate they'll eat and then get hyper from.  I really wanted the Christmas Post Office but my kids were having none of that!  So the Pony Ranch and Knights were rung up and in our car before we trick-or-treated!


Locally you can find these at The Play Room. I love this store.  They have some great toys and a whole section of Playmobil for me to oogle ;)  The owners are lovely and always super helpful.  And no I wasn't compensated for saying that - it is my opinion

See that halloween candy in the back ground?  I haven't stolen it all...yet!
Till tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

NOVEMBER!!!!

It's November - do you know what that means???  Huh? Huh? Do ya? Do ya?

I may be spending too much time with children!

It's NaBloPoMo

You shall be blessed with 30 days - of me - writing!

I know you can hardly contain the excitement.

Before you expire from holding your breath it's only fair to warn you...I've decided this year to blog on a specific topic.

Wait for it....

CHRISTMAS!

I am going to chat about 30...well 29 days to prep for the most wonderful time of the year.

Jingle Jingle!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Lunch for 4!

Do you have children?  Have you eaten in a restaurant with them? There is a special place in heaven for those that do - it's somewhere in Leviticus I am sure! 

Our always well behaved children (my kids are always angelic - just so you know) sat down at the table properly.  They did not climb on the seats and stare over the partition of the booth at the unsuspecting couple behind us.  Nope no sirree.  They most certainly did not kick each other under the table and yell loud enough to alert the kitchen staff.  They sat quietly and practiced their printing on the paper place-mat.  They would never scribble like monkeys all over the paper and mostly likely the table.

When the food came they quietly bowed their heads for grace.  They wouldn't dare demand to know where the ketchup was and sniff the fries just to make sure they were safe to eat.  During grace they wouldn't suddenly fall into a fit of giggles either because one of them snuck in the work bum.  Hahahahahahaha.  Bum is such a funny word, but I digress.

After grace they ate all their food.  No complaining that McDonald's is across the street and has toys.  No staring at the table across from us till the young adult group there felt the beady little gazes upon them.  They chewed with their mouths closed and used a napkin rather than their pants, shirts, or the underside of the table.  After all they were not raised in or near a barn.  Barn smell yes, barn no!

Our son would not dare to lose a tooth in his bite of cheeseburger and then swallow it down.  Nope, he takes small bites and never stuffs his mouth and our daughter would never suck up to our waitress by telling her she's pretty when our boy gets free ice cream, for the now gaping hole in his grin, in hopes of scoring her own sundae.

A big thank you to Mr Mikes for a yummy lunch and to our server - I hope the tip was enough to cover the destruction of the table and your psyche.  And Missy would like you to know even if she hadn't had any ice-cream she's still think you are pretty.

Anyone want to have us over for dinner?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One Year

525, 948 minutes = 8760 hours = 365 days = 1 year

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my professional and personal life getting a beat down.  I don't mean a slight hiccup.  We're talking kick in the groin, baseball bat to the side of the head, and a hammer to the thumb all in one shot.

It was without a doubt the most painful year in all my 30+ years.

This is what I've learned :

1.  Good friends are hard to find.  I have thrown out the trash so to speak.  I have cleaned house.  I've taken a pretty hard stance with some things and if those lines are crossed I walk away.  No more drama - but pretentious idiots - see ya!  Selfish users - don't let the door hit you on the way out! Bu-bye!  Now I am left with a great group of friends - and I love them all dearly.  I even have time to spend with them, when I am not doing the whole - wife, mother, superwoman routine that is ;)

2.  Revenge is for Bruce Willis movies - not my life.  I could have sued.  In fact it was recommended that I sue them and the horse they rode in on.  And a small imperfect part of me would like nothing more than to see those suckers on the stand trying to justify their behavior.  Even better if they jab them with a hot poker first.  Like I said - the imperfect part.  The beauty of not seeking revenge is that by stepping off the path I leave room for God to deal with them - Romans 12:19, Proverbs 20:22, Proverbs 24:29 Romans 12:17.  As he can deal with me and my heart that continues to struggle to forgive.   

3.  I am fabulous!  I know - so modest.  Perhaps it is this thing called aging or maybe I am maturing - gasp!  But after a jump into the pool of depression I realized that if I can't love me and think I am freakin - fab-u-lous why the heck would anybody else?  I am okay - just as I am.  Those that don't like it - no worries - you don't have to like me (I know - the revelations just keep coming!)  I am just lovely with or without your approval of my hair, weight, lifestyle, parenting skills etc etc etc!

4. Food is my drug.  I ate my way through my depression.  Isn't life always better from inside the bag of chips???  So now I got a little lot of extra junk in the trunk.  I am okay with being more of a chunky monkey, but health wise I need to get back to the gym and out of the chip bag.  Just not close to - you  know - that time.  Lord save the person that tries to block me from a bag of chips then!

I've learned a lot of other things too - like how to give the evil eye across the Starbucks(imperfect part again) and still have a normal conversation with the people sitting across from me.  I have also learned I am a heck of a lot stronger than I ever thought.  I have sat in the ruins and while I still have a bit of debris in my hair I am getting up and walking on!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Rules of the road

Today Dude and I went to an assessment with our speech therapist(SLP).  For just under 2 hours she worked with Dude; asking questions, playing games, handing out stickers.  I always love the answers he gives as sometimes they aren't going to score him points on the test but he gets points for making me laugh.
SLP : If you like to paint you're a ...
Dude : Painter
SLP: Good.  If you like to swim you're a ...
Dude : Swimmer
SLP: Yes.  If you like to drive a car you're a...
Dude : ummmmm, ummmmm ... a woman!

 To his future wife - you're welcome! Zoom zooooooooooooom!


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Mom Shoes

Today Missy just HAD to have a pair of sandals like her BFF.  That girl is 3 going on 13 I tell ya!  Thankfully since stores are in back to school mode all summer stuff is marked down!  So cute sandals were in her future. 

Loving a good pair of shoes, and trying to get the 'mom' out of my wardrobe, I went to look in the Ladies section.  There they were - amongst silver tramp shoes and mom style white runners - black peep toe heels. Source
Hot hot hot!!  Me likey!

I slip them on my ugly ballet dancer feet - and they fit!  LIKE.A.DREAM.  Not a touch of Mom in these babies.  I strut my stuff up and down the aisle - admiring how they make my butt feet look better.  I glace at the price - not too much but more than my budget could handle today :(  I take one more walk up the aisle - because my butt legs feet really did look great!  As I slip them back in the box and prepare for the tearful goodbye.  I have the following convo with Little Dude(LD) :

LD:  Mooooooom, why are you trying on those shoes?
Me (Men of all ages just don't get shoes!!) : Cause they are pretty and make me tall like Daddy. ** I couldn't say they made my butt feet look good. Cause that's the part he'd remember and tell his friends at school.
LD: But moooooom, those aren't your shoes.
Me: I know, but I wish they could be.
LD: No, I mean they aren't mom shoes.

This is where in my mind I say "Well duh! Kind of the point Dude!"

Me: What do you mean 'mom shoes'?  What kind of label is that? (This is were I completely get defensive with a 6 year old who innocently made a statement about shoes.)  They are are fun shoes. I can wear fun shoes.  I am a fun kind of mom.
LD: Mom, they are NOT mom shoes
Me: Well show me a pair of mom shoes.
LD : I dunno
Me: Well if these aren't 'mom shoes' show me a pair of mom shoes.
LD : You know mom - they are big and flat (He illustrates the point by holding his arms far and wide like a fisherman saying - 'the fish was this big'.)
Me: What?????? 
LD: Mom shoes are big and flat, you're a mom, so you wear big flat shoes.

Then he rolls his eyes at my obvious bafflement.

He just told me I have to wear ugly shoes and then he has the nerve to roll his eyes at me?!?!?! 

I'm going back tomorrow to buy those darn shoes - screw the budget!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Keepin it real Friday!

Just so you don't think I have it all together (stop laughing) I'm introducing 'Keepin it Real'. I'll take a picture of something in my house that is horribly embarrassing or a sign that people live here - take your pick.

If you feel like you house is messy, or that you aren't cutting it as SuperMom - look no further than Keepin it Real!  Either you are glad you aren't messy like me, or you're glad you have company in clutterville!

Today's Keepin it Real - is my kitchen table.  Covered in mail, papers, lists of things to bring when we go camping, my purse, Mac, sunscreen - all things that have places to go yet I plopped down right here in hopes that the clean up fairy will come along.  In 30 minutes dinner will be served here - Keepin it Real!

Dinner is served????

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Setting the Bar

Before entering the sweet abyss of motherhood I had standards.  Certain things, that I never realized would change, have gone into uncharted territory.

Like using the toilet.  Pre-kid (aka PK) going to the bathroom occurred like this :
  • walk into bathroom
  • turn on light
  • close door
  • proceed to use clean toilet
  • wash hands
  • turn off lights and open the door
The.End.

 Now Post-kid (Po-K):
  • Sense urge to use the loo while chasing new puppy down the hall, as said new puppy has grabbed my new and super cute ballet flats.
Super cute ballet flats!!

  • Break apart fighting children.
  • Chase shoe stealing puppy again - this time with my pink flip flop
  • Decide I may pee my pants if I don't get to the bathroom.  Start undoing my pants as I run/walk to the loo.  Peeing my pants is becoming a close reality.
  • Walk into bathroom.  No need to turn on the light as 6 year old left it on.  Leave door open so I can hear if children start fighting again, and so new puppy doesn't scratch the new trim or door.
  • Notice toilet is full of a #2 but no toilet paper.  Gag. Flush
  • Sit down - which is the silent command for Dude to push Missy, and Missy to retaliate with a fist to the side of Dude's head.  
  • Dog goes running by with the other ballet flat in her mouth
  • Suddenly overtaken by the strong odour of pee.  Lean over and see puddle on base and behind toilet left by obviously aim deficient Dude
  • Yell at dog running by again, this time with Missy's knock off pink Ugg
If I could make this face - I would!
  • Pull up pants, flush, walk out of bathroom while doing up my belt.  Find Missy and instruct her to go wipe her bottom, flush, and wash her hands
  • Find Boy and tell him that peeing on the toilet, wall and floor is disgusting.  Make mental note to have hubby give aiming lessons to Dude. 
  • Give Dude lysol wipe and point to areas to be cleaned.  Have Dude wash hands.
  • Take another wipe and clean around the toilet just in case the 6 year old didn't do thorough job.
  • Wash my own hands finally.
  • Turn out light as I leave bathroom.
  • Track down shoe stealing dog and reclaim faux Ugg, ballet flat, and flip flop.
 Let's not even discuss making breakfast!